A Diamond of the First Water

My daily spiritual practice: I like to do a lot of G-d writing, example I talk to G-d and ask questions and then I put my pencil or pen in my left hand (I'm right handed) and I just write whatever it seems like G-d wants to tell me. I never get readable words but the words that seem to come into my mind to write are amazingly loving and helpful. I call this G-d writing and I learned it from someone in program.

Another thing I like to do to help get me in the mood to slow down and pray, is lite incense for a few minutes. I only use incense when I am praying or meditating so it immediately is associated with slowing down.

Part of my spiritual practice is using crystals while meditating and Tarot cards for insight. I only read them for myself and only for insight, not for fortune telling.

When I feel blocked from G-d, even when I'm trying to meditate or pray, it usually means that I'm angry with G-d about something and I don't realize it. It usually requires a hard-core praying session in which I actually complain to God. I say everything that's on my mind and in my heart and that usually involves tears - but that's the best kind of prayer in my opinion. That's the kind of prayer that really opens me up. Once I've done this I discover that I'm not angry with God anymore and I feel understood and one with G-d again.

I think the most important part of my spiritual practice is dialoguing with G-d as much as I can think to do it during the day. I say thank you for every little thing I can possibly say thank you for. I ask my questions whenever I can remember to. I have found asking God how I should BE in a situation, like the Big Book says, gives me more direction than asking what I should do.

Of course there are the morning and evening daily 11th step practices that I know I'm supposed to be doing. However, I do those less often than the above. I'm trying to remember to do them every day.

Gratitudes:
1. Sobriety and another chance at abstinence (picked away at cold cereal last night 😕 Didn't even realize I was doing it until far too late! Re-drawing my Red Lines/food boundaries to strengthen my program and doing more prayer today.)
2. It's a gorgeous day out. I'm going to the National Zoo to do some photography. Waiting to see if my son or a friend can go with me. If not I'll go with G-d. 🙏
3. My G-d letter and His response were reassuring.
4. I have an idea for making something that will assist my students in their writing. It's definitely a G-d inspired idea.
5. G-d may be arranging for us to foster a student from my class for awhile. Her parents are involved in as viscous a custody battle as there can be. False accusations and restraining orders abound. She may end up in the foster-care system. This would be horrible for her. However my hubby and I have fostered girls before and G-d may be arranging life again to give us another opportunity to be of service.

I feel connected to HP this morning just enough to know I really need to live in the program today. I need to do a lot of food prep for the week so that abstinent eating is the easier choice. I was going to go do some photography in downtown D.C. but it's supposed to rain all day. So my day is open for "extra" program work. (G-d knows I need this additional jolt of program.)

Gratitudes:
1. Sobriety and abstinence (still tightening up).
2. Great AA talk by Tattoo Steven on a podcast.
3. I learned that 12 steppers, who are in public and want to use, sometimes ask the for the public address system to page, "A friend of Bill and Bob."
4. That even though hubby is gone and I don't have any witnesses, I still don't feel like I want to pick up. I could "get away with it" (because there are no witnesses), but G-d is keeping the disease away.
5. That you all are here.

Breakfast: large plate of roasted veggies (no-oil), bowl of brown rice with Mrs. Dash, coffee with 1/4 c coffee.
Lunch: two red potatoes, an apple, a banana, strawberries, coffeee - black. 

 Gratitudes:I've been listening to Joe H. (AA) all evening (didn't make the meeting because I had to take care of my food).  It's just what I think I needed.   He spends a lot of time emphasizing that we get sober/abstinent va G-d's Grace.  As soon as we think we had something to do with it, we lose it.  That's PRECISELY what happened to me yesterday.   Amazing how G-d works!!! 🙏🙌🖖🖖

ETA: at 10:10 to say I went to the AA meeting. It was on the second step and I realized I haven't had the necessary spiritual awakening yet. Strongly considering a 90 in 90. 

 I go back and forth as to whether I am alcoholic or not. If I am, I'm a "high-bottom".   It's hard to know if I like sweet alcoholic beverages because they are sweet or because of the alcohol, or both.  Liquor and beer have no pull.  Whether I am or not, I was one and a half years sober when I decided yesterday to drink the rest of the Passover wine.  If I listen to the small voice in my head, it suggests I went to the alcohol because the food wasn't giving me that certain something I was craving, so I looked for it in wine.  Fortunately, after two drinks I dumped out the rest.  

So today is both my abstinent date and my sobriety date.  

April 15, 2017

I reset my sobriety counter in an app I have. I also deleted all the diet apps on my phone. I left the recovery ones on there, of course. 

I am part of a 10 person texting group with fellow OAers from the A Vision for You phone meeting. Among other things, we share five daily gratitudes. I think I'll start copying them to here. I'd love to hear all of yours, too!

Gratitudes:
1. Sobriety and abstinence in partnership with G-d. (I've learned that if I say abstinence is entirely a gift, then l have an excuse to not put the footwork in and can abdicate responsibility.)
2. Discovering abstinent foods, combinations, and preparation methods that are both abstinent and compliant with Passover.
3. My sponsee calls got me into program/recovery thinking right away today and I needed it.
4. Learning that the root of my physical pains is probably inflammation which may be controllable via proper diet.
5. A gorgeous day - I have no excuse to not go run/walk around the neighborhood. This is my first attempt at running at all for many years. I'm hoping the 55 lbs. I have off are enough to run safely. I'll be watching my knees.

When I eat clean enough (whole-food, plant-based with no sugar, oil, or salt) I have less inflammation in my body and less pain. However, I am a compulsive eater/food addict and the bad foods call me. So staying clean enough is a real challenge.

I guess I need to start tracking what I eat, (no matter how small the bite), so I can tease out what PRECISELY causes the reactions. I do have cravings for salt as well as have low enough blood pressure that I get dizzy easily. So I'd like to know if I really need to be cutting salt.

We are moving to this NJ townhouse in Mid-July.


It has a small back deck off the main floor and a walk-out basement to a paved patio. Currently we are living in a rental in Maryland. (Hubby is military.) We currently have a enormous, green, fenced in backyard where Sophie and Zuko play and potty. They are learning to walk on leashes with my hubby and I walking them. But they only potty in the backyard. This isn't good. In Jersey they'll have to go on walks, at least a lot of the time.

Sophie and Zuko were breeder dogs at separate, unknown puppy-mills in Pennsylvania. They were discarded by the mills, or rescued in a raid. There's no history from the rescue society. We have guesstimated ages of nine for Zuko and six for Sophie. No one knows how Zuko lost his eye.