Day Zero

Binged on frozen (and then baked) potato products I bought "for my husband". I shouldn't have taken the chance. I'm not recovered (wasn't recovered) enough for such a risk. I was calorie counting and restricting and all of these elements combined to pull me down. I didn't have any business doing any of the three.

Just texted my sponsor. I'll see what she says about telling my sponsees. 😕 I really don't want to let them down. ..... she just texted back. I should tell them and give them the option of getting a new sponsor. If it happens again I need to stop sponsoring for a while.
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Here are my thoughts after listening to AA's Joe Hawk.

This talk (see link below) is exactly what I needed. Thanks to a sponsee for this. I was starting to think I had something to do with my abstinence. I even said so out loud yesterday. I said I was in partnership with G-d. I forgot recovery was 100% a gift.

I am thinking now that recovery is like fire. No matter how hard *I* (Jen) rub sticks together, I cannot make fire. I need lightening from G-d. But I sure have the power to blow that fire out and be left with nothing!

That's where my "power" lies - getting RID of the gift of recovery. I have no power in getting it back.

http://www.recoveryaudio.org/aa-speaker-tapes/how-it-works-recovery-concepts

On Being a High-Bottom Alkie

 I go back and forth as to whether I am alcoholic or not. If I am, I'm a "high-bottom".   It's hard to know if I like sweet alcoholic beverages because they are sweet or because of the alcohol, or both.  Liquor and beer have no pull.  Whether I am or not, I was one and a half years sober when I decided yesterday to drink the rest of the Passover wine.  If I listen to the small voice in my head, it suggests I went to the alcohol because the food wasn't giving me that certain something I was craving, so I looked for it in wine.  Fortunately, after two drinks I dumped out the rest.  

So today is both my abstinent date and my sobriety date.  

April 15, 2017

I reset my sobriety counter in an app I have. I also deleted all the diet apps on my phone. I left the recovery ones on there, of course. 

Daily Gratitudes

 Gratitudes:

1. Another chance at sobriety and abstinence. (Yes, both - Today is Day One in each Fellowship.)

2. That fellows from this group reached out over text and phone. 

3. That there are so many recovery talks online so that I could soak myself in the message carried by people with strong recovery. 

4. That when an old friend had a mental health crises in California, G-d allowed me to be of service to her for several hours on the phone. I desperately needed to be useful today. (And everyday)

5. That G-d gave me the gift of a moment of clear thought and I was honest with my sponsor, which led me to be honest with others.