(no subject)

Work with sponsees are saving me. I hear G-d’s words coming out of my mouth and it’s frequently what I need to hear too. I have two sponsees at the beginning of their path and one in step four. I could use one more but will wait until I move the two I have through the book a little more.

I feel bloated and shared that with a fellow yesterday. She suggested that I look at my abstinence more closely. I have thought about it and I think it’s mostly water retention from the high levels of sodium I’ve been ingesting.

My hips hurt from walking several miles yesterday. I’m in the new running shoes, which helps, but it’s clear I need to be exercising more to lose weight. I’m reluctant to ask my dietician to cut my food down because calorie deficits can trigger cravings. On the other hand, without a calorie deficit, I won’t lose. So I’m going to make an effort to choosing the lighter food options within my exchanges and do the daily walking. My tennis elbow is pretty bad so weight lifting is out at this moment. My priority though, is staying connected to my Higher Power, because that is what keeps the cravings at bay.

Speaking of my Higher Power, I feel like He expects more from me than I can deliver. Intellectually, I suspect I am mixing up my relationship with my dad and my HP. I have always felt like a disappointment to my father. Nowadays he says he’s proud of me, but my teen years were one long nightmare of never being good enough. It’s still that way in some areas. So I am trying to see G-d with the proper mix of Awe and Love without the hang-ups of my childhood. Obviously I need to pray to HP to show me how to relate to Him, but need to be open to the messages He sends through others.